Is Your Pursuit of Success Sabotaging Your Relationships That Matter Most?

Is Your Pursuit of Success Sabotaging Your Relationships That Matter Most?

Posted on September 28, 2016

Mark rang my office wanting an urgent appointment. He could not hide his devastation. He was absolutely stunned. His wife, Christine, of 12 years, had just dropped the bombshell that morning that she had had enough, and was leaving.

He was beside himself. How had it got so bad? He could remember her complaining a few times about him never being home, or being grouchy when he was home, but he had no idea she was this unhappy.

Now he was panicking. He was about to lose his wife, his family, half his assets, and many of his friends all in one fell swoop…..and he hadn’t seen it coming.

5 years ago, Mark had started his own Finance Business, and was now doing very well, and was very proud of it. The business, though, had gobbled up his time, to the tune of 12 hour days and 6 days a week ever since he started.

To begin with Christine had been supportive of these long hours, but over the last couple of years she had begun to feel it was coming at an enormous cost – to their relationship and their family life.

For the last 6 months, they had not even had one night together to talk, no more romance than a peck on the cheek at bedtime, and, not surprisingly, their sex life had evaporated into thin air.

Charlotte, their daughter kept asking when dad would come to the playground with her, and Shaun, their 10 year old, spent his entire time in front of the X box.

Christine was absolutely sick of doing it on her own at home, and was feeling completely unimportant in Mark’s life. She had brought this up a number of times with him, but he had largely dismissed her conversations as a bit of complaining that didn’t mean much in the bigger picture.

There is a story like this for many business owners with families. This is one of the most common problem that clients present to me in my Relationship counselling practice.

Juggling the needs of your business and your family and relationship is no easy task, but if you don’t get the balance right, there can be devastating consequences.

And many men, with their eye on the “Business ball” don’t understand what is needed in their relationships and home life, to be there for their family. It is so easy to take your relationship, and your family for granted, and not realize that they too need time and nurturing, if you want rich and rewarding relationships with both your wife and your children.

Warm regards

Julie

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6 Love Hacks to keep your relationship hotter than a Jalapeno

Posted on September 21, 2016

Every night:

Make time for the two of you to talk for at least half an hour. This means what happened through the day for you, how you felt about it, and what you have been thinking.

Every day:

Find at least one thing you appreciate about your partner and tell him/her.(You look gorgeous, I like your shirt, That was a beautiful meal, I appreciate that you work so hard for us, I love the feel of your skin)

Every week:

Have a date night one night a week, just the two of you. Take turns to organize what you’ll do. If something else crops up on that night, swap your date night for another night, but don’t put it off. You show your partner that you value your relationship and are not taking him/her for granted by this small but consistent gesture.

Every month:

Check with each other about how your relationship is going.

Ask each other,” On a scale of 1 to 10, how are we going?” And then, the more important question, “What would make it a 10 for you?”

In this way you both keep up to date about the quality of your relationship, and have opportunities to take action to keep it alive and vibrant.

Every 3 months:

Go away, just the two of you, for a weekend, or preferably a long weekend, just to have fun. No-one else is invited. Take turns to organize it.

Every year:

Celebrate your anniversary (either wedding, or meeting each other, or moving in together) in a way that is meaningful to both of you, and recommit for another year. Talk about what you like to see happen in the next year.

The more you treasure and honour your partner and your relationship, the richer will be the rewards for all. These kind of simple things done over time make a huge difference to the quality of your relating.

OUR MAJOR MARRIAGE COUNSELLING LOCATIONS:

See all of our Relationship Counselling Melbourne locations.

See all of our Relationship Counselling Brisbane locations.

See all of our Relationship Counselling Perth locations.

See all of our Relationship Counselling Adelaide locations.

See all of our Relationship Counselling Canberra locations.

See all of our Relationship Counselling Sydney locations.

INFOGRAPHIC: The 11 major signs that your relationship is going downhill

Posted on September 14, 2016

If you have more than 3 of these happening in your relationship, be warned that your relationship is slipping away from you, so be proactive and get help now before it’s too late.

1. Are there more negative comments you make to your partner, (or your partner makes to you) than positive comments?
2. Has your sex life become unsatisfactory for either of you?
3. Do you have at least 1 major argument or “the silent treatment” weekly on average?
4. Do you spend less than 30 mins each night talking with each other, and not just about the kids and the day, but in particular about how you each are feeling, what you are wanting and dreaming about?
5. Do either of you feel taken for granted by your partner?
6. Does your relationship feel like it has completely lost its spark and/or fun?
7. Is one partner avoiding the relationship by being overinvolved in their work, hobbies or drinking?
8. Is there a lack of physical affection in your relationship?
9. Is there an imbalance in the amount each of you contribute to the overall running of your household and/or family?
10. Are either of you looking with interest at other people outside the relationship?
11. Has it been longer than 3 months since you have had a date night just to yourselves?

How helpful can relationship counselling really be?

Posted on September 14, 2016

At the Hart Centre we ask our clients to give us feedback on how helpful their sessions have been for them.

As of 2nd September 2016, 94% of our respondents have told us that their counselling has been helpful and worthwhile for them and their relationship.

Here’s some other things couples have told us that they have found they liked about their sessions with our Psychologists:

They appreciate being able to get clear about, and speak about what has been bothering them, in an environment that is listening and caring and non judgmental.
They also find it very helpful to get insight and a fuller understanding about the dynamics that are operating in their relationship that they weren’t aware of.
They like having the opportunity to communicate in a healthier manner, and to better understand where their partner is coming from.
They appreciate finally being able to resolve long standing issues that they didn’t know how to resolve.
They like coming to someone who won’t not let the power balance get out of hand.
They find it helpful to be held accountable for making positive changes to the relationship.
They like being able to learn new things about how to make their relationship good, and to create hope for having an even better relationship than they have ever had before.
They appreciate having the opportunity to learn new relationship skills that they have never had the opportunity to learn before.
They love the renewed feelings of love they now feel for their partner that they thought were lost forever.

There are occasions where each partner of a couple comes to counselling with differing wants from the process, for example, one partner may want to work on the relationship and the other wants to leave it.

On these occasions, we do our best to honour both needs while also exploring what deeper needs there may be, and encouraging partners to explore all possibilities before ending the relationship.
So there is real hope for improvements in your relationship if you can just take the first step. We will help you explore the full potential of your relationship, beyond what you have known to date, no matter how difficult it might seem at the moment.