Where is your relationship in the 5 Stages ?

Published by on

 Stage 1 – Pursuing and Romance (usually first 6 to 12 months) 

–  You are both feeling exciting, feeling loved and supported, and are awakening to new possibilities and potentials in each other

–  Your focus is on enjoyment (dates), intimacy (getting to know each other), and pursuing and/ or impressing each other (showing your best self)

–  Much time is spent on your relationship

–  Your day to day normal life is obscured or slightly forgotten

 Stage 2 – Settling in and emerging Shadows

  – As you share more and more life together, less effort is made and time allocated to your relationship

– Unconscious patterns begin to emerge in each of you

–  Taken-for-grantedness start to become more of the norm

–  Power struggles begin

 Stage 3 – The Struggle or Sad Resignation

 –  Stage 2 patterns entrench and escalate

– You tend to polarize as power struggles can worsen

–  You start to feel like strangers and lose that loving feeling

–   Power struggles turn into either arguments and withdrawals, or

resignation and giving in

 Stage 4A – More of the same

 –  Duller routines become more of the norm

–  There are more regular or worse arguments or fights, or 

–   One partner avoids by being over-involved in work, hobbies, drinking etc 

–   There is a sense of sad resignation and diminished expectations for the one giving in all the time 

 or Stage 4B – End

–  One partner ends the relationship, or

–  One partner looks elsewhere, has an affair, and then ends the relationship

 or Stage 4C – Real Love emerges  

 –  Each of you look at your own patterns, and how you are contributing to the problems

–  Each of your takes action to let go of your patterns and/or adopt new healthier behaviours

–  Each of you takes a stand for those things that are dear to you, and manages the anxiety that goes with this

–  Real respect grows for each other as you witness your partner taking these steps.

–  Real appreciation and love emerge in each other, a far deeper truer form than ever felt before.

 Stage 5C – Ease and Flow

 –  Each of you begins to appreciate and support the essence of each other, and compassion start to bloom

–  A genuine mutual creativity develops

–  Conflicts may still appear, but become absorbed in a larger version of yourselves.