December 10, 2013
Lets look firstly at why we choose to be in a relationship in the first place. We are individuals that seek union and connection.
As humans, we have 2 intrinsic life forces: one that drives us toward our own individual self expression, and the other force that drives us towards togetherness.
Individuality and self respect.
We all have a need to express our individuality, our individual desires and personal identity, our interests, thoughts, feeling and views, and to exercise our will to make our life happen in the way we desire it.
Togetherness and emotional connection.
We also have a fundamental need for emotional connection, and a fear of losing it. We want to feel emotionally safe with each other, and know we can depend on our partner, that he/she is there for us, that they will respond when you call, and that you matter to them, and are valued and are accepted by them.
From my experience counselling 1000s of couples in relationship counselling, relationship and marriage problems arise when we experience either or both of the following:
- Loss of our self, or the full expression of our self, or
- Emotional disconnection from our partner
These are at the core of all relationship problems. If your relationship is not what you would like it to be, it can be worthwhile asking yourself the following questions:
- Where in my relationship, have I lost myself, my true desires, or what is important to me?
- Where in my relationship have I lost connection with my partner?Is my partner accessible to me, responsive to me, and positively engaged with me?
These are important markers of why you relationship may not be working for you. Relationship and marriage counselling can help rebuild these for you.
More on are you neglecting your relationship in our next blog.