Narcissism Relationship Counselling

Is your partner a narcissist or showing narcissistic traits?

Finding a Psychologist who is familiar and experienced with these conditions is important as Narcissism can be notoriously difficult to pick up in a few sessions if the Psychologist is not trained in this. (Education on Narcissism is taught in Psychology courses but does not fully explain the widespread occurrence of this condition, and also the full ramifications of this, particularly to the partner.

We at the Hart Centre are committed to ongoing education and training in these areas and in supporting you in managing yourself and your relationships.)

For more information on Narcissism and narcissistic partners read our blog.

The success of relationship and marriage counselling depends on many factors, but is largely due to the commitment of both partners to see their patterns and contributions, and be willing to change. Your partner’s ability to do this will depend on his/her level of Narcissism.

You will often not know how willing you and your partner are to do this until you attempt to do so. You will be able to see for yourselves over 3 to 6 sessions what real effort each of you are putting in to see the problems, own your contributions and make changes.

If, after reading the information here, you feel you are definitely living with a Narcissist, I suggest you come to the first session (or book a Skype session) on your own.

If you feel your first choice is to work on your relationship, then we can then follow this first session with a session with your partner individually, then commence couples sessions with both of you.

Signs that my partner is a Narcissist or a person with strong Narcissistic traits

Subtle criticism, often passive-aggressive comments and sarcasm
Inflated self importance and entitlement
Overt or covert need of admiration (the loudest/proudest in the room, or the grumpy self-pitying judgemental person in the corner)
Tendencies of bragging, exaggeration of achievements/talents, stories “to good to be true”
Not taking responsibility of own wrong doings
Over-reaction to criticism and little self-awareness
Blaming others for their actions if caught
Blame shifting, taking focus away from themselves and back on the person criticising
Repeatedly blames you for past wrongs, even if it was many years ago
“Gaslights” ie changes the story to make them sound like the good guy and you as the bad guy
Taking credit for other’s achievements like it is their own
Talks about what they are going to do but seems to never actually do it
Can be preoccupied by fantasies of power, achievements, success or beauty
An excessive need of praise, puts themselves on a pedestal
Idealizes people who have something they don’t and makes this person sound like a super-human
Treats people who they see lower than themselves very poorly (ie service staff, teachers, hospitality workers, ex partners)
Seems to follow a cycle: Love bombing/idealizing, Devaluating, Discarding(repeat)

Is relationship counselling effective if my partner truly is a narcissist?

The effectiveness of couples counselling depends very much on the level of Narcissism (and the resultant ability to take responsibility for their contribution) of each partner in the couple dynamic. These days the term is used very commonly in the general public so it is important not to jump to conclusions and to seek more information, like in our Narcissism blog.

Often we only find out the true capacity for self reflection and owning our own patterns by going through the process of couples counselling. Of course that will be your decision to make if you feel your relationship deserves this process. You will usually see within 6 sessions how willing your partner is to take responsibility for his/her contribution and you can make your decisions from there. If he/she is extremely Narcissistic, couples counselling won’t work for this reason. The extreme Narcissist doesn’t see he/she is contributing to the relationship problems in any way.

Important considerations before attending therapy with a narcissist

– Consider attending a few sessions yourself before inviting your partner.

– Understand that you are not alone, and that sometimes it is difficult to pinpoint exactly what narcissistic abuse looks like for you.

– If at any point you feel unsafe, don’t be afraid to contact 000 and/or the government helpline 1800RESPECT.

If you have any further questions, please contact our friendly receptionists and they will be happy to assist you.

Empowerment Help for individuals in relationships with a Narcissist

Whether or not you are still in a relationship with the person, we can help you understand the situation and empower you, either if you wish to stay together or move on from a narcissistic relationship.

Our Personal Empowerment program involves 12 steps to recovery:

Insight and a thorough understanding of the dynamics of what has been happening in your relationships.
Uncover and express your feelings and have these feelings and experiences validated by someone who understands what you have been experiencing.
Process these emotions and recognise these patterns from past relationships, including your parents, in order to clear them from your subconscious patterns.
Discovering your genuine needs and wants as an individual and in a relationship.
Be aware of your feelings and manage your emotional self on a daily basis.
Learn to build healthy boundaries with others, where you care for but don’t take on emotional responsibility for anyone other than yourself.
Rediscover your own intuition and trust it again, rather than your partner’s negative views of you.
Encouragement to believe in yourself again and recognise your magnificence.
Recognising and managing the desire to go back to the unhealthy Narcissist.
Help redesign your life from the inside out, trusting in yourself and who you really are.
Find the Gift in this relationship for you. How have you grown in yourself as a result of these experiences?
Moving onto a new equal relationship ensuring a healthy love. Narcissist screening test, and learn the ability to recognise the difference between real love and fake or controlling love.H

Plan B – if counselling doesn’t work

I also suggest that there is a Plan B in place, so that after an agreed on number of couples sessions, if you feel you are not achieving the changes and results you want, then you continue coming to sessions on your own to look at your options and be supported in doing your own work of rebuilding your Identity, boundaries and possibly new life.

Why is it so difficult to leave a narcissist?

Anyone who has left a relationship with a Narcissist knows that it can be a very challenging process. Here are a few reasons why this kind of breaking up presents extra difficulties over and above leaving an ordinary relationship.

This Individual Program is available by our trained therapists Australia wide, either In-house, by Phone or Skype Sessions – 50 mins.

This program will take from 2 to 6 sessions, depending on your needs and circumstances.

Cost: Prices range for $120 to $275 for a 50 minute session.

Phone 1300 830 552 to enquire or make an appointment.
Private Health Insurance Rebates apply and Medicare Rebates may apply (please check for details)